Category Archives: Thailand

Adventures in Trouble Raining Down

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The other day was a bit hectic, and included fighting with Jason Bateman (in my dream), flooding my kitchen (in real life), baking an entire batch of cookies for the ants (in error), and gardening with the help of my ancient neighbour and his cane (wielded like a sword).

You may be asking yourself, “Why didn’t I read about this? Why wasn’t such a day recorded for posterity on this blog that I sometimes read when I have absolutely nothing else to do with my time?” Dear reader, I have no excuse. It just didn’t seem news worthy.

However, since it’s been so long since I’ve written, and you’ve been so patient, I’ll tell you all about today’s adventures. I’m pretty sure it’s going to sound like I had a terrible, awful, dreadful day. I really didn’t. Overall, I’m feeling pretty good…but today, the rains came…and when the rains come, they bring trouble.

I came home this afternoon to find water dripping out of a leak in my ceiling, an overturned lamp, a shattered light bulb and a completely complacent cat curled up on the sofa, blissfully unaware of the shambles around her. For a feline, she is remarkably un-curious. Not only will curiosity never kill this cat, it won’t even give her so much as a hangnail.

I have no interest in the world around me.

Eventually, buckets were put in place, landladies were alerted, broken glass was swept away…then the bugs came. Every year, the first heavy rain of the season awakens the flying termites, who noisily swarm the nearest lights. Last year, I still had my mosquito net up, so took refuge under it and waited for the maelstrom to pass.

This year, I wasn’t so lucky. Not only was I exposed to the onslaught of fluttery bugs, the floor fan in my room was sucking them in, mashing them up, and blowing an oscillating stream of wings and bug-bodies all over my room. I had high hopes that the cat would at least take care of some of them…but no. Even after one bug flew directly into her face…twice…she looked at me like it was my fault, then sauntered away, completely ignoring the fluttery mayhem around her.

I needn’t have worried about the mess the bugs made. Even as they were falling to the ground, the ants were marching to collect their fallen bodies and cart them off to who-knows-where. (Honestly, I don’t know where…if I did, I’d do something about it.) Now, the only evidence of the bugs is a few scattered wings on the floor, and all is quiet. But the rain has started again…

Adventures in New Kids on the Block

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No, I’m not having ’90s boy-band flashbacks. Sorry to disappoint those of you who still insist that Donnie was waaaaay dreamier than Danny. I know who you are, and I know you were looking forward to reviving a rousing debate on the subject. It’s not going to happen on this blog. Not now. Not ever.

Okay, fine. You can decide who’s dreamier. I don’t care.

While I was doing some research on exciting things in the world of writing, I checked to see where this l’il ol’ blog pops up in search engines…and discovered TWO other blogs that share my title, “Adventures in My Shoes.” Both of them have only been around for a year or so – and obviously their authors were blissfully unaware of this aging behemoth slumbering in the cavernous bowels of the internet. I don’t blame them – half the time even I forget it’s here.

Still, it came as a shock to discover that my shoes are no longer the only ones having adventures. It also made me take stock and realize that I don’t even really wear shoes anymore. Since moving to Thailand, I’ve traded in my cupboards full of fancy footwear for a few unassuming pairs of flip flops.

“And to think, I coulda been a Jimmy Choo…”

And yes, I did just go outside, line up all my flip-flops and tell them to say “Cheese!” I think the impish little pair in the back may have said “Toe Jam” instead, but I let it slide, especially since my neighbours were already beginning to look alarmed.

Now, back to the question of the New Kids on the Block – Jordan was definitely the cutest. No, wait, the other new kids on the block. The ones who really are having adventures and wearing shoes. And they probably have real shoes, and real adventures.

Both of them seem like pretty cool women, even though one of them made a typo spelling International Border. (Unless she actually trod upon  a tenant or surfer when she said she walked across an international boarder.) Whatever the truth of that statement is, I suspect she was wearing actual shoes at the time. And doing adventurous things in them.

The other is telling the world she’s pregnant, which is also certainly an adventure, although misogynist folklore tells me that shoes in her case are optional.

I assume that in spite of their typos and pictures of baby bumps, they’re probably very nice women. They might even have interesting things to say. (Unlike someone I know who’s still rambling about boy bands…)

The Canadian in me wants to welcome them to the neighbourhood and offer them some poutine. On the other hand, the crotchety old woman in me (who is old enough to remember too many of the words to Hangin’ Tough) wants to wave my fist in the air and shout, “Get off my lawn!”

Maybe I should change the name of my blog to more accurately reflect my reality. Or, I could lace up my one remaining pair of real shoes and go have an adventure. (Who am I kidding. We both know that I’m going to post this and then go watch NKOTB videos on YouTube…in my bare feet.)

Adventures in Icky Yuckies

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Alright, my long-suffering readers. It’s time for you to have your say! Here’s how this works:

I’ll list, in order, my experience from the other night. You choose which line you think is most shudder/scream/Eeek! worthy. Okay? What’s worse…

1) A giant cockroach landing on the wall nearby.

2) Foul smell of extra-strength bug killing spray filling your living room (preventing you from wanting to eat the snack you were looking forward to)

3) An angry, sprayed cockroach flying around dive-bombing your head for 10 minutes.

4) A dying cockroach twitching under your desk for a few minutes.

5) The definitely dead cockroach completely disappearing while you slept. (Because it’s impossible to cope with dead bugs when it’s dark outside, waiting ’til morning is best. But how does a giant dead cockroach vanish in less than 4 hours!!??)

So, 1-5, what do you think is the worst?

(The good news is that this is the first cockroach I’ve seen in a very long time!)