About Janice Hillmer

Writer, grad student, traveller, accidental humourist and unwitting adventurer.

Adventures in Odd Couples

Posted on August 18, 2009 by Janice Hillmer

Years ago, when I was in high school, one of my friends told my about a little road-side sign in Southern Ontario advertising “Taxidermy & Cheese”. It made me chuckle then, and it makes me chuckle now. What an odd combination.

This afternoon, my Mom forwarded me an e-mail involving taxidermy (yes, she really did). It’s been over a decade now that my neurons automatically attach ‘and cheese‘ any time the word ‘taxidermy‘ finds itself in my head. What does your average person do whilst thinking about taxidermy and cheese, and has Google at their fingertips? I don’t know about most people, but this person decided to see if her friend had been telling her a falsehood, and if not, to see if she could find photographic evidence of the sign. He didn’t tell a falsehood, and I did find photographic evidence…but that’s not all. I also discovered that as odd as the pairing is – it’s not the only one!!

Yes, that’s right.

There are multiple taxidermy & cheese combo shops in North America!!!!

Now, when I get a pedicure kit taped to my cream cheese, or a roll of paper towel taped to my tuna in the grocery store here, or find corn and potato wedges on my pizza, I have to remind myself that Korea doesn’t have the monopoly on bizarre combinations.

Adventures in Ambiliances

Posted on August 5, 2009 by Janice Hillmer

When I was a kid, apparently I loved a show called “Emergency!”. In the interests of proper blogging research, I’ve just watched the opening theme on YouTube, and must admit none of it looks familiar. Nonetheless, my Mom assures me that I loved it (when I was 3). I also had trouble saying the word Ambulance and it came out more like Ambiliance. I doubt I’m the only person to have had trouble with that pesky group of letters.

I was thinking these things today as I was actually speeding through the streets of Daegu in an ambulance today. It wasn’t an emergency; the orthopaedic clinic I’ve been going to doesn’t have it’s own MRI machine, so they sent me by ambulance to the nearest radiology clinic. We were speeding because … well, because we’re in Korea.

The experience was (thankfully) nothing like TV. There were no IV lines, wires, syringes, oxygen masks or people shouting “We need 4ccs of Haloperidol – STAT!” There was just a bright orange stretcher, a lingering stale cigarette odor, and the driver and I singing along to ABBA videos on the dashboard TV monitor.

Yes, you read that correctly. I spent my first ambulance ride singing Karaoke to Dancing Queen. Hopefully, my loved ones and I will all remain healthy enough for this to be my one and only ambulance memory. Bizarre as it is.

As for my test results, my MCL injury has healed well; however, my MCL treatment weakened my quad muscle. This teamed up with a tilted pelvis which is causing hypertension in my thigh muscle, which is pulling my kneecap out of place, which is causing chondromalacia, which is causing pain. It’ll take 3-4 months of physio to be up to snuff again, but I was thrilled that the doctor has now taken the word ‘surgery’ out of his assessment.

You can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life….

Adventures in Popping in to Visit Long Lost Blogs

Posted on June 1, 2009 by Janice Hillmer

Crreeeeeaaaakkkk. (Rusty door hinges objecting to being called into service.)

Thumpa Thumpa Thumpa. (Summer-lovin’ flip flops wading through inches of dust.)

Hello?? Anybody home? (Me, calling out in a wee whisper.)

Silence.

jsadoifneroifj pikj osossdooooo (cat, walking across the keyboard.)

Stupid, interrupting, soft, furry cutesy snookums of an annoying cat. (Me, unwilling to commit to an opinion about Catticus.)

Silence.

Hmmmm. I wonder where they went? Where did my colony of tiny typing gnomes go? Apparently, as of September 29th, 2008 they were still here making people think that I was writing this drivel on my own. I admit I haven’t checked in on them for a while, but since they’re not too keen on human company, and are a self-sufficient lot, I figured they were still writing away. I admit they weren’t the most industrious of typing gnome colonies. My friend Melanie has some top-notch gnomes who seem to post with stunning regularity. Mine spent most of their time sleeping on dust bunnies under my desk or trying to sneak servings of kimchi out of my fridge. Nothing puts you off your lunch faster than a half-frozen typing gnome passed out in your kimchi. Especially if he still has dust bunny residue all over his beard. Gross. Nonetheless, they did occasionally manage to produce some sort of quasi-coherent paragraphs once in a while.

Hmmm. I wonder where they went. Well dear reader(s), until I manage to find another colony willing to work for ample quantities of dust and fermented cabbage, you’ll either be stuck with my own ramblings or lengthy spells of nothin’ at all.