Adventures in a Body of Lies

Nope, I’m not talking about the movie Body of Lies that’s full of A-list actors. I’m talking the actual body of a B-list blogger. 

Last week, I had one of those days where I managed to actually find my way to the gym. As I was stretching out after the workout, (actually, I was laying flat on my back wondering if the sweat pooling under me would leave a crime-scene style outline on the floor when I stood up), I overheard a trainer offer this advice to someone:

Just Listen To Your Body.

We’ve all heard this advice at one point or another, and unaccountably, people seem to think it’s good advice. Either everyone is in denial, or I happen to be living in a defective body model. Why? Because my body lies to me. All. The. Time.

After all, it was the mouth in this body that told me a 2nd slice of pie would be a really good idea, and that a bowl of ice cream makes a great breakfast. It was listening to this body that landed me at the gym in the first place…and that same body shouts at me when I exercise.

It’s not just about food and fitness. My other body parts lie to me too.

It was my legs, back in the ’80s that said, “I wanna run free – neon orange Hammer Pants are the pants for me!” In fact, most of my appendages have been lying to me about fashion  for decades.

What? My body told me this was a great beach look!

Sometimes, my body parts even collaborate and come up with tag-team lies. This morning, my nose and my brain got together and created an elaborate falsehood.

Two hours before my alarm went off, my nose woke me up by smelling something odd. “Wake up! Something’s burning!” it said to me. My nose then tagged out, and my brain jumped in the ring. “Yes! Wake up! Keebler Elves are burning flour in your kitchen. The cookies will be ruined!”


Thanks to my body’s lies, I was fully awake before realizing that there was no Keebler cookie emergency. There were no cookies involved at all. It was just a bad pollution day here in Chiang Mai, and the only thing burning were farmer’s fields, 30km away.

Next time someone tells me to Listen to my Body, I’m pretty sure my right foot is going to tell me to kick a nearby shin. Unfortunately, the way my body communicates, it will likely tell me to kick my own shin. And I’ll listen to it.

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