Early this morning, (well, to be accurate, it was only early-ish) I was preparing a nice cup of oolong tea and unwrapping the remains of last night’s calzone. My plan was to sit out on my balcony and enjoy the leisurely pace of a holiday morning breakfast before hunkering down with my phonology.
As I approached my patio door, I saw a lifeless lizard with only 1/2 a face on my balcony. I thought to myself, ‘Poor lizard’, ‘Oh gross that’s going to spoil my calzone’, and ‘Where’s it’s face?’ all at the same time. I put my calzone and tea cup back on the counter and went to fetch my broom.
Moments later, I returned with the broom ready to sweep the poor critter up; the poor critter was gone! I opened the door and looked all over the balcony – walls, floor, ceiling – there was no faceless lizard to be seen. I figured a bird must have swooped in and picked up an early morning happy meal to go. I returned the broom to the cupboard, returned my tea and calzone to my hands, opened the balcony door…and nearly stepped on the faceless lizard! It was back, and in a different location.
Slightly creeped out, I went for the broom again, only to discover that the lizard was gone: again.
Honestly – how far and how fast can a lifeless faceless lizard move!!?? I was starting to think I may have been mistaken about the lifeless, but the faceless part was tough to miss. I finally concluded that I had a zombie lizard on my balcony, and if s/he wanted to stay there, that was fine with me – but I was going to have my breakfast indoors.
During the course of the day, I’d peek out and sometimes I’d see the zombie lizard and sometimes I wouldn’t. I never did see it move. Eventually, late in the afternoon, I did see it, surrounded by a gathering swarm of industrious ants. That time, when I went for the broom, s/he didn’t disappear.
I learned two things today:
Adventures in My Shoes 
But I've just gassed up my chainsaw – now I'll have to start an ant farm, too? Once we clear out the back shed…